Shyness – How Much Is Normal?


Most adults can easily remember the queasy feeling when you think back to your school days: The stomach clenched, just because you speak in front of a larger group or sing. In some the threshold is much lower. You blush when a teacher appeals to you. Also in the Playground, and shy children are often loners: do not run around with other students, but be in an Offside position.

Cultural Differences

In Germany, shyness is perceived rather as a disadvantage – these children are often outsiders, they are considered to be fearful and inhibited. Differently in Chinese society: at the end of the children are considered to be particularly intelligent. They are popular everywhere – in peers, and teachers. Chinese parents, therefore, encourage the timid behavior of their offspring.

Model Parents

Why are some children reluctant to others? Shyness is a character trait that can be innate, but learned. Children watch adults and older siblings do. You will learn by watching how the parents deal with unfamiliar situations and people. The parents are more anxious is transferred to the child.

The younger you are, the less you can judge how promising are the habits of their direct role models. Everything that dad and mom make is good and recommended for imitation. Behavior researchers call this strategy \”Learning model\”. You have the impression that your child is more shy than the other, consider what it might be imitating, it knows from home.

The playmates also play a role. Formative experiences with friends can strengthen the tentative attitude. And that has consequences: children Are excluded in a group, without that you can explain to, you start to doubt yourself. You will lose the self-confidence and withdraw.

Development in steps

In certain age levels of shyness, however, is quite normal. At the age of eight to twelve months of \”shy\” children and youth with disabilities. Why is this so? Children develop the ability to distinguish between the Familiar and the Foreign. All people except for mom and dad – are classified as foreign. The Small fear now, even before the views of people you have a friendly smile.

The fear of strangers, curiosity, a sign of the binding ability of the child to the parents. It is part of a normal development. Now about six weeks, \”Pause\”, in which the children are open to everything Unknown consequences. Of long duration that is not, however, because it is the next timid Phase in front of the door. Children between the ages of 18 and 24 months with Strangers and extremely shy, or even anxious. At the same time you say to almost all of the \”no\” and want to own everything and hold on to. This also applies to mom and dad that you want to give up under any circumstances.

In the third year of life, children develop more independence. You make arise contacts to peers and first friendships. They offer their offspring a platform: joint trips to playgrounds, visits to neighboring children, and the first invitation to playmates. Here, your child will need your organizational skills and your concern. If you believe the shy Phase is now over: wrong!

Even at the age of four to seven years, many children are shy. The Transition to Kindergarten and later to school is a particular challenge. Even if most of the children look forward to school, they need the support and encouragement of the parents, so that you find yourself in the new environment.

Exaggerated fearful

Some children feel comfortable in social situations outside the family is extremely unsafe. This can intensify if further social is added, for example, a move to a different city. Fearful children, for example, it is difficult to say your opinion, let alone enforce them. They also tend to withdraw and to deal excessively with their own uncertainty. In the extreme case, this inhibition blocks the thoughts and leads to ongoing feelings of anxiety, and further isolation.

Without suitable counter-measures, the withdrawal may increase behaviour and to socio-phobia increase. This refers to the excessive fear of situations in which one stands in the center of attention of other people. Some Affected people develop to be shy of human beings and isolate themselves from the outside world. At the same time however, they suffer from this self-chosen solitude.

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Help from the outside

The inhibition is so great that they affect the mental readiness of your child or you see a clear withdrawal tendencies, you should talk with the educators or teachers. You will receive a confirmation if your child does not behave so, if you are going to. All persons involved agree and have a variety of measures, no significant values of improvement, you should not be afraid, a child psychologist.

Experts differ on whether it is only a repression, or a developmental disorder. Psychological treatment focuses on the personal Strengths of the child, to strengthen the self-confidence and to learn in a code training for dealing with unpleasant situations.

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